62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. 6. 54. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 120. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 234. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 42. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 136. 3. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 73. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. Enjoy! Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Why was six scared of seven? Life begins on Friday night. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. East Never take life seriously. Its okay if people dont like me. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Cry a river. 102. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. With a cowculator. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. You wanna know who Im in love with? 13. 141. I understand success cant happen overnight. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 114. 156. 18. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Cindy from Marzahn. 71. 277. The only power you have is the word no. 128. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 180. 58. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 1. Steve Martin Education cost money. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. 28. They planet. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 181. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 99. 1. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Required fields are marked *. Your habits become your values. 48. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 110. Ive been doing nothing for years. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy 157. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Your email address will not be published. Why was six scared of seven? Have a look! 161. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 103. 49. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. The only power you have is the word no. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 252. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 77. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 30. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 50. 213. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Love your enemies. I did not trip and fall. Funny Affirmations. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 105. 209. All you need is love. 150. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 250. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. But sometimes affirmations may not work. We have a connection. 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 26. 189. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 141. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Only two more days until Friday.". Im not weird, Im just limited edition. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 70. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. I stick to things until I get to my destination. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 92. 203. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 160. Gary Delaney Who cares about the future? I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 233. "I receive what I believe.". Really? Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. And get over it. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 269. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 270. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. This is a snap. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Erma Bombeck. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Im like a postage stamp. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 258. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 174. 29. 203. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". 56. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Because it was soda pressing. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Yeah, so is a grenade. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. grateful. 22. 236. 158. 62. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Charles M. Schulz I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 9. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. "You have to be odd to be number one.". 118. You were too lazy to read that number. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 76. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 131. 112. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 91. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember I overcome fears by following my dreams. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Bill Murray I did not trip and fall. It doesnt work if it is not open. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 97. Sam Levenson A wishbone. 31. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 174. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 117. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 272. 81. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Ted Turner. Dave Barry. Jackie Collins, 240. It takes so little to change your life! 9. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Billy Wilder. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 254. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 65. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Thank God Im an atheist. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. 148. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think Nothing, they just waved. Oh sheet! 224. What is Mozart doing right now? Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Never judge a book by its movie. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 1. Lily Tomlin At night, I cant fall asleep. 171. We frequently doubt ourselves. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. You can't wait for inspiration. Stuart Turner You try again, but no sound is coming out. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 63. 221. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. 1. 239. 5. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. I see food, and I eat it. 106. 1. 247. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Sam Levenson. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 196. 132. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 75. 41. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 219. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 216. 2. Exercise? Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 6. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. But you can always be immature. 77. 8. Live life to the fullest. 140. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 47. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need 107. Because seven ate nine. 8. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. 167. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. I am intelligent. 89. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 17. 40. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Alright, get in the basket. 146. 144. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 94. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free Pat Sajak, 41. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 264. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Albert Einstein, 190. 150. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 68. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. health is important. 28. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. "We . 195. 182. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. "Today will be a great day". Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Exercise? My jokes do. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. 169. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. 152. 124. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 93. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 191. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". P.D. 1. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Not everyone has good taste., 3. You were too lazy to read that number. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. 178. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. It has nothing new to tell you. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Albert Einstein. Ben Hogan. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Yeah, so is a grenade. Albert King 60. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 182. Hes dreaming too. My liver still works. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I intend to live forever. Benjamin Franklin 7. 265. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Learn sign language, its very handy. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I am adventurous. Go to bed with satisfaction.". People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. When life closes a door, just open it again. 50. 1. 142. It gets toad away. 98. 130. God has never abandoned me. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Honolulu, its got everything. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Funny positive affirmations do work. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. When life closes a door, just open it again. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Im describing you. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 45. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Walter Bagehot. 130. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 168. 250. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 229. 194. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 125. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. And a funny bone. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. "If you see me talking to myself. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 194. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 223. 171. 188. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 9. 109. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Lily Tomlin, 242. 26. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Life always offers you a second chance. I tell you what always catches my eye. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Expect nothing and appreciate everything. 193. Sometimes the M is silent. I am here to live to the fullest. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Sincerely, the floor. Because they make up everything. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 51. 78. Lorrin L. Lee. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Oh sheet!. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 89. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] Short Funny Sayings The library, because it has so many stories. - Bob Hope. 9. Not me, but somebody does. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 8. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 15. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Steven Wright 269. 227. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 28. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. The rest are too expensive. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Why did the school kids eat their homework? I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 25. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 70. It will warm you twice unknown. Read the first word again. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 115. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Run. 69. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Be careful when you follow the masses. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Friends buy you food. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. We'll get to that later. 153. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". 36. 88. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. ". I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 19. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. I never apologize. 173. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I love my body. Walter Bagehot 1. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. 126. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Actually, you dont have to imagine. 184. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. 173. Steven Alexander Wright. Not me, but somebody does. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. George Burns 187. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. He who laughs last didnt get it. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. 237. The rest are too expensive. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. We need to hear a pin drop. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 16. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 166. I am too lazy to be lazy. 228. 52. 166. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 263. 94. Can February march? I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 81. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". 122. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. 257. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 204. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha.

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