Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. Pinterest. Post Funeral. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. The Spirit cannot be cut, burned, wet, or dried. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. or the universal soul. Please accept my condolences for your loss. The time there can be brief and quiet. Raja Ravi Varma's legacy lingers in Kochi through original lithograph prints of his paintings, A different set of rituals and customs for Vaikom Mahadeva Temple, Enchanting Kadalundi with mangroves, birds an ideal spot to unwind, Neha Kakkar celebrates honeymoon in Dubai; shares marvellous pictures, Swimming Santa brings Dead Sea to life with tree and cheer, Thodupuzha Bharat Hotel special beef ribs biryani, Diet rich in nuts may boost sperm count, motility, Abdominal obesity may increase lower urinary tract symptoms risk, Testosterone boosts men's choice of higher-status products, Younger pregnant women at high risk of prenatal depression, Malappuram abode where family and friends gather to celebrate. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. It is better to dress conservatively. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. For some cultures, a soft hug is appropriate, while for others a gentle squeeze of the hand will do. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). Introduction to Hindu Funerals. Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. Talk to your friend's family. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. A "shraddha" ceremony. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. Usually, 6-8 people are asked. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. 10 () . Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. Other mourners are expected to stand. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. (n.d.). Unfortunately, when a son dies, some people come up with public statements along the lines of Theyve lost their only son which is an unfair statement that reeks of gender bias. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. Silence is a good option; a kind gesture can speak better than words. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. generalized educational content about wills. Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? is the best and appropriate choice. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Everyone in this community respected your father. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. Take a look. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . Not only is it unnecessary to bring flowers to the service, but you are expected not to bring them. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! What to do: Mourners may dress casually. Your mother had a happy death. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. Thats why cremation is preferred. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. people will avoid going to the deceased house. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. You are using an out of date browser. Passing such a negative remark is easy, just like watching cricket on TV and blaming a fielder for dropping a crucial catch the person criticising has no idea how hard it is to be out there performing. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. There is no need to cover the head. It's up to you. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. This link will open in a new window. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Facebook. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. 6. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Available to ship anywhere in the U.S. After the cremation service, the family will return home and perform Hindu death rituals such as ceremonial bathing. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. subject to our Terms of Use. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. We are very sorry for your loss. Work from your dream country on a remote visa, A peek into where heads of various countries reside across the globe, This Diwali, try our tasty banana pudding recipe, Heal Thy Self | Early warning signs you could be in an abusive relationship, On yoga day, Krishnaprabha is an inspiration. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. Then go with your intuition. When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. 2. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. Share a toast. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. People should wear white and not black. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and The grieving family may be visited by many wishing to express their sympathies and the time any individual can spend with them may be quite limited. All Rights Reserved. Atma is beyond space and time. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. May she rest in peace. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time.

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